I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
