he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
