God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
