I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
