Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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