dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
