Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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