the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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