So drunk its hurt
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
