Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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