you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
