apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
