Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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