could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
