There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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