I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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