it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my shit smells like andre
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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