I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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