It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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