please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
