I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
