I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
