Your face is a jimmy john
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
