drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
