I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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