do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
