I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone came in the potted fern
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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