Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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