Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
