Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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