I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
