Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
