just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
