i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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