I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize