you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
