so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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