apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize