I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize