we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
