So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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