that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
