Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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