So drunk its hurt
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
