remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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