The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
