im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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