I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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