Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize