I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
