I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
