Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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