Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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