it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize