you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
