She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
