That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
