But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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