i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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