The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
