i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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