That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
