I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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