were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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