new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize