If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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