Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
