you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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