Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
