break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
