Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
