It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
