Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
