You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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