I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
