woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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