Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
